Funny Quotes XV

Wow it’s been a long time since we’ve posted these.  From top to bottom, July 2016 – October 2014.

 

“you are crazy, but that’s a good idea!” – Noah to Ezra

Me, “lightning is around 54,000 degrees.”
Ez, “has it been that hot in Arizona?”
Me, “no.”
Ez, “but has it been close?”
Me , “no.”
Ez, “are you sure?”

 

Matt, “and what did I say the consequence was?”

Child, “I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.”

Ezra, “mommy, for Father’s Day should we get daddy a bike?”

Noah, “no, he has enough already! Look at all those bikes!”

Ezra, “he only has three.”

 

7 year old coming in from the garage: daddy how do you get the car to start?

Me: um what? Where are you going?

Me: sorry but being disrespectful has consequences. Maybe you can start with a more respectful tone.

Kid: but that’s never going to happen.

Ahh Another day with 7 year olds.

 

Why is it so loud? I keep hearing loud kids. – Ezra

Me, “oh it’s you guys. I’m watching a video.”

 

Hummus is like nature’s peanut butter. Noah

I’ve always wanted to be in New Mexico! – Noah

 

The boys are wearing Jedi robes to school today.

Ezra, “mom, I can’t ride my bike in a robe.”

Me, “you guys can ride your scooters.”

Noah, “I was preferring car but yes scooters will do.”

 

Teaching the boys about palindromes.

Me: “See boys, tacocat and racecar go both ways”

Noah: “Ohh just like dog burrito”

 

What I thought I heard from the backseat, “mommy, are mines dangerous?”

I then explain the dangers of mining.

Noah, “huh, I just thought they pretended to be in boxes.”

 

Ezra reading a flyer from a cleaning service that said, “maybe it’s time to clean your house?”

He starts laughing and says, “we never do that!”

 

I like chocolate chips. I don’t like chocolate! – Noah

 

Okay boys. What should we get mom for Mother’s Day?

Noah: more cleaning supplies?

Me: um no. How about something she likes?

Ezra: post it notes!!!

Me, “how much snacks do you need in an afternoon?”

Ezra, “2,000 well more like 10 hundred.”

 

Watching hockey with Ezra, “is the penalty a person?”

Pollen rain! Everyone hold your breath. – Ezra

Why would you think there is a speeder in the present? That is only in Star Wars. Noah

 

Me, “Boys when we get home you need to clean all the trash out. Daddy was not happy about the mess this morning.”

Ezra, “Because we had just cleaned it and now it is messy again?”

Noah, “Hey it’s the circle of car life.”

 

Noah to Ezra, “mom is letting you play on the computer?”

Me, “yeah, he’s playing math games.”

Ez, “No mom, cool math games.”

 

“Daddy come see the HILARIOUS thing I just did in the bathroom”.

Me: ummmm what.

 

Noah, “Ezra I can make you say a big E word. What’s an animal with a big trunk?”

Ezra, “that’s easy a wooly mamouth!”

 

Mommy did they have ice cream when you were a kid?

Do pickles have helium? – dinner time questions by Ezra

We were playing soccer and Noah needed to tie his shoe so he yelled, “Pause!”

“Moms always save the day.” – Noah

Ezra, “Ollie is my puppy. Jackson and Carter are your cats. Lola is Noah’s kitty. And daddy has…”

Matt, “you two.”

Ezra, “oh right, the party animals.”

 

Noah, “when can I get my own secret password?”

Ezra, “when you can rememberize it.”

Woke up to two little boys wearing 5 shirts. Each. And Stephanie wonders why we have mountains of laundry.

 

The boys were playing with an old flip phone and we were discussing how things used to be.

“Back then did they use gold for money?” – Noah

Noah to Ollie, “smell my feet. You’re brave enough and tough enough to.”

 

Me: Ezra your ears look pretty clean in there. Ezra: that’s because I don’t use my ears very much.

Noah to ezra, “I’m going to post you on Google.”
Me: why are you naked in your fort?
Noah: I don’t know. I’m just having fun.
“It’s not the clothes that matter, it’s the smile.” – Noah on his outfit for the class picture.
Can we invite the guy that brings us pizza to our birthday party? – Noah

Noah, “who are those cookies for?”

Me, “boys who clean up their toys.”

Noah, “awe I wanted one.”

 

Ezra, “We just cleaned our bedroom on Saturday and it’s a mess again!”

Me, “Imagine how clean it would be if after you were done playing with something you put it where it belonged.”

Ezra, “I just can’t do that.”

 

Bed time conversations:

Ezra, “mommy, if your house is surrounded by snakes there is a pet you can get that can smell them and it eats them.”

Noah, “yea there is a pet that eats snakes, a chihuahua.”

Noah: Did mommy used to work at a store? Me: Yes, me too a long time ago. It’s where I met mommy.
Noah: How do two people know the other isn’t married. Me: well married people usually wear wedding rings, or they talk to each other.
Noah: why wasn’t mommy married? didn’t lots of boys want to marry her?
Me: Not sure, I guess I got lucky.
Noah: Well i want to marry her so i guess not that lucky.

Noah just requested that I write this down for Saturday, “how to do the force?”

While I was writing, Ezra asked, “do they have to cut you open to put the force inside?”

“Can you turn our fan off?”

“Why? What are you trying to do?”

“Boy things, you don’t want to know about.”

 

Noah, “mommy, who’s coming over?”

Me, “no one.”

Noah, “oh I thought someone was coming over, the house looks tidy.”

 

Ezra and I were smelling the scented markers.

Me, “this one smells so good.”

Ezra, “yea it smells good, but it does NOT taste good.”

 

While playing tag Noah was chasing me, “whoa you’re faster than you look!”

 

Ezra: mommy what to people taste like?

Mommy: um we don’t eat people.

Ezra: oh.

Ezra: soccer is just like hockey. Except in soccer you only have two feet.

Noah while playing nintendo with Ez: Hey who can you battle?
Ezra: Well, pirates, ninjas, aliens, dinosaurs, robbers…
Noah: What game are you playing?!
Ezra: Ohh i thought you meant in real life.

 

“Mom, Siri’s not listening!” – ezra

 

Noah, “Can we have alone time in our room?”

Me, “What are you wanting to do?”

Noah, “Boy stuff.”

 

Noah jokes: I had a dream mommy and daddy had a shoe tying race. You guys tied.

 

Noah: daddy can I have dynamite for my birthday? I’ll be careful and only use it outside on bricks and stuff.

 

“That movie was NOT boring. A lot of movies are boring but that one wasn’t.” Noah’s glowing review of Inside Out.

 

Noah, “it’s like a desert out there, like the Wild West.”

Me, “this was the Wild West.”

Noah, “so there were dead Cowboys here? We can dig a hole and find cowboy bones.”

That went morbid fast.

 

Ezra sees a pot about to boil over, “mom, I think something’s overloading.”

 

We were driving through the tunnel.

“Mommy, we’re going back in time. Back in time to when everybody had good attitudes.” – Noah

 

I said something about Anaheim. Noah, “what’s that about banana time?”

 

Noah just blamed something on my childhood invisible friend.

Overheard Ezra from the bathroom in his best stage voice: “Hey Noah, what you are about to see will amaze you…”. Should I be worried? Yes.

 When girls grow up they get eyes on the back of their heads. – noah
I was giving Noah some ibuprofen. Noah, “is that mighty profen?”
Noah counting the cup holders in the van, “7, we are so rich!”

It started pouring on our ride home from school.

Me, “Change your clothes.”
Noah, “I’m going to put on my jammies!”
Me, “Oh a jammie day sounds fun.”
Ezra, “It’s like our special holiday!”

That’s right, when it rains in Arizona it’s a holiday.

 

Me: No you can not go down the fire pole with an umbrella. Ezra does it anyway.

“My life is not going the way I wanted.” Noah (while playing video games)

 

Me: What are you two doing? Kids: We are bears and hibernating. Me: Its spring, bears hibernate in the winter. Kids: Ohh we are Ethiopian Bears.

 “If I saw a tornado, I would turn into a ninja and punch it in the face.” – Noah

The stinky smell in our room called science. – Noah.

Me, “Noah please come here.”

Him, “in a minute, I’m giving Lola a bath.”

Me, “what?”

Him, “with my tongue.”

 

Matt was flexing his biceps. Noah, “I thought they were going to pop!”

 

According to Ezra the gopher saw his shadow and there are going to be 16 more weeks of winter. Thank goodness we live in Arizona.

Matt, “we need to teach Ollie to shake.”

(Pause)

“His paw, not his booty!”

 

“Wait I need two spoons. If one gets dirty, I can use the other one.” Ezra

 

Only things you hear at our house: “hot diggity mommy did the laundry.  It’s our lucky day. “

Noah: “I’m Noah Adams, PHD”

Me: “um what?”

Noah: “Pretty Handsome Dude”.

“Mom, how old is noah?” – Ezra

 

Noah: “Hey Ezra, you can use The Force on me, i can take it”.

Ezra to Noah: ugh it’s like you don’t even know Siri. You are not her friend yet.

 

Noah to Ezra: “You just got my signature wet willie. You. are. welcome. “

Noah’s singing, “police la de da.” Guess that Christmas song.

 

“Mom, Santa is real so you don’t need to give us presents.” Ezra

“She can give us presents if she wants.” Noah

“Santa did spell my name wrong, two zs, ezzra, silly Santa.”

 

The boys were picking out pictures of things they are thankful for to take to school. Ezra points to a picture of himself wearing his fire fighter costume.

Me, “oh you’re thankful for your fire outfit?”

Ezra, “no, I’m thankful for Ezra.”

 

“If I had felium I could fly.” – Noah

 

Ezra, “hey Noah, want to play snow butt?”

Noah, “yea, I love snow butt!”

Me, “what’s snow butt?”

Noah (in the tone that goes with mooooom), “it’s a game.”

 

Matt, “Mommy is usually right.”

Ezra without missing a beat, “Always.”

 

The boys each received $2 in the mail today (thanks gamma!)

“I’m going to buy you something for your birthday!” – Ezra

“Ummm, you can have some of the gum I’m going to buy.” – Noah

 

Ezra: ~belch~

Noah to Ezra: you are adorable.

Noah to me: we are 6 now, we say big words like adorable

Noah crying about his finger bleeding: it hurts soooo bad! Me: um this is red paint. Noah: oh, Never mind then.

 

“Mom, I want to do horse training.” – Ezra

“But then you have to get a flu shot.” – Noah

 

“Mommy, I wish I was a mom.” – Noah

 

“Mommy, when I’m a teenager I’m going to do everything you say. I don’t want to be a mean teenager.” Ezra – I’m totally going to hold him to it.

 

Nana was talking about uncle Brandon, “he had to work all night long.”

Ezra, “oh, is he a dad?”

 

I can eat anything because I worked out a lot. – Ezra

 

Me to Ezra who was trying to earn a dollar pulling weeds: Please don’t shake the weeds, that spreads the seeds. Ezra: Then more will grow? Me: Yes. Ezra: Then I can pull those and get more dollars!

That boy has a entrepreneurial future in consumables.

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