Funny Quotes XIV

Ezra, “mom, soon we’re going to have another baby.”
Me, “what? How?”
Ezra, “I don’t know. It’s just happening to me.”
Me, “oh, do you know what you’re having?”
Ezra, “a kitty.”

Asteroids are purple, sparkly, and have lights. – Ezra

That’s your yoga mat? It’s huge. (Pause) that’s because you’re huge! – Ezra

It was from the olden days, like the 1980s. – Ezra describing a video they watched at school.

“Oh those college kids! The bigger they get the more they don’t want to listen.” – Ezra

Ezra referring to the chickens, “I wish they spoke Spanish so we could talk to them.”

Me, “What are you guys doing?”
Ezra, “Something you don’t want to see.”
 

I came out of the bedroom to two beach towels spread across the kitchen floor, “boys, what happened?”
Ezra comes over, “I was going to ask you the same question.”

Me, “when your grown up, remember your wife is always right.”
Ezra, “oh man, you can say that again.”

Noah, using all your words is important. Yelling “mom, Taffi is eating the chickens.” Is so very different from what you should have said, “mom, Taffi is eating the chickens’ food.”

Me “if daddy was home, he would have appreciated mommy’s joke.”
Noah, “what joke?”

I was explaining a triathlon to the boys. “You swim, bike, run.”
Noah, “is that some sort of animal show?”

Noah came out wearing all black, “hey mommy, I’m like cat woman now!”

Noah came out wearing all black, “hey mommy, I’m like cat woman now!”

“Mom, can we sometime get a bird as a pet?” Ezra 
“We can talk about it when your older and able to help more with the cleaning of the cage.” me
“Or we could just get a parrot.” Ezra

The boys packed a suitcase and went to Ethiopia today (master bedroom) on their way they passed Taffi, Ezra says, “Ethiopian dogs are so funny.”

Daddy always knows. He probably has a computer that can see what we’re doing! – Noah

Noah was asking about my birthday cake (he has months to plan it)
What kind do you want?
Chocolate. 
Okay. With a picture of you or minions?
Definitely minions.

I just can’t decide between a firefighter, a police officer, and a ninja turtle. – Noah on growing up.

Noah just saw a fun loom commercial. “Mommy, I could make you lots if necklaces. If you get me this, I’ll eat lots of broccoli.”

When spider man was the boy Peter Parker, he didn’t have food problems he just ate. – Noah trying to convince Ezra to eat dinner.

“We have to plant them well, so they feel bright.” Ezra on planting flowers.

Don’t blame me, blame myself. – Ezra

Ezra, “Why do the snowballs hurt Mario, I thought he liked playing in the snow?”
Noah, “The snow gives him eczema.”

Noah, “Does God want you to turn of the video game while I’m playing? No, he wants you to let me finish.”
Ezra, “No, God wants us to live.”
 

Ezra decided he is buying a corvette when he is older. But told me when “we” have a baby boy he’ll need to find a car that can play movies in the back seat. 
Me: we huh, who is the lucky one?
Ezra. I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet. I bet she’s pretty. But maybe she hasn’t been born yet.

I’m starting kindergarten in 10 days and I’m afraid I’m going to make lots of wonderful new friends. – Noah on starting school and missing his preschool friends. 

Commercials have a strange hold on my children. Tonight Ezra suggested he needs a sleep number bed that has temperature and firmness controls.

Matt was explaining that sometimes mommy needs alone time to recharge. 
Noah, “is mommy a robot?”

Ezra: Abby tells me her secrets because I’m her girlfriend

The boys were wrestling and apparently Ezra had Noah pinned under a blanket.
Noah’s telling of it, “I almost ran out of lives.”

Deep theology from Noah: if I want to be like Jesus, I’d be invisible because id be dead.

Last night’s middle of the night wake up brought to you by Noah, “My brain is changing! I came to wake you two up then turn on all my lights.” 

Me: who brought their patience pants?
Noah: not me! Let’s go!

Noah to Matt at 2 am, “daddy, why is nighttime so long?”

“Oh man! The apple sauce is overtaking the flour! I can’t wait to see who will win this battle” Ezra baking

Noah to Ezra: you can’t come to my half birthday party because I had to make room for Spider-Man. You’ll have to leave your present for me at the door.

A 9 is a right side up 6. – Ezra

Dad, well, when do we get our own house? We are almost 5 and a half you know. – Ezra

Kid trash talk while playing video games: “Actually you are really great at dying”.

Ez: Noah! Stop touching my person! 
Me: you person or Lego person?
Ez: Lego person. He needs his personal space!

Ezra, “Wow, Noah, you look awesome!”
Noah, “Yea, I know.”

“I got a lot of packing heat.” Ezra showing of his muscles

Ezra was threatening to run away this morning. I asked where he would go.
“To Vaughn’s.”
“Vaughn moved to Texas, how would you get there?”
“By airplane.”
“and how are you paying for a plane ticket?”
“With Noah!”

Me, what are you guys doing?
Ez, we’re doing what we do. 

The worst time for giraffes to run is when they’re drinking. – Ezra

Boys tomorrow we have to try to get out the door by 7:30. – me
But mom, I can’t think when I’m up that early. – Noah 

Out of context Noah. 
“I can do everything Ezra can do, because I’m a girl too.”

Ezra bringing in the mail, “I got the email.”

I’m taking a shower and hear a frantic knock on the bathroom door. 
Noah’s important news, “to spell add you spell a-d-d!”

My mouth doesn’t like it, so he isn’t going to eat them! Ezra

Noah claimed their room was all clean. I went in to check and was showing him what still needed put away. “It was clean! It must have messed itself up again.”

“Boys wash up for dinner.”
“But we want to finish this glorious tower!” – Ezra

At the pool a couple of teenage girls walked past Ezra talking. Ezra’s take, “that was a lot if blah, blah blah.”

Ezra, “dad, how do people make Legos?”
Me, “we learned about it yesterday, do you remember?”
Ezra, “I’ll just pretend I know.”

When I grow up I’m going to be a fire fighter and police officer. – Noah 
I’m going to be an ambulance person, fire fighter, and police officer. – Ezra 
That’s a lot of jobs. (Pause) or you could be a ninja! – Noah

Hey Ezra wanna see my famous naked dance? – Noah

If this was a straight track daddy would be sure to win! – Ezra 
Guess Matt needs to work on his cornering skills.

Can you help me cut this medium sized? – Noah 
How big is medium sized? – Me 
Not too big and not too small. – Noah

“I have a big brain.” Ezra
“Yes, you are smart.” Me
“It’s really juicy.” Ezra

Umm, mom, are we old enough to get our own motorcycles yet? – Ezra

“It’s really blah blah because no one is helping me.” – Ezra

We were discussing the Easter Bunny and Noah missed what I said. Ezra telling him what was discussed, “some families have an Easter Beagle, and some families don’t have an Easter Beagle.”

A game Ezra was playing asked him to enter a nickname. I asked what he wanted to be called besides Ezra. “Umm, snake!”

Hey mommy I love you and how do people make guns? – Noah

You’re not my favorite brother anymore! – Noah to Ezra

My butt gets really stuck to the seat because I’m wearing the same fur as this fur. – Ezra on getting into his car seat.

 

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